is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
