I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
