I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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