I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
