the condom got lost in my hair
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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