Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
