I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
