I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
