you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
