I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
