she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
