on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
