I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
