Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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