I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
