Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
