She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shame is for Republicans.
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