i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We left the knife in your bed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
