am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
