i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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