SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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