Pappa wants mamma naked
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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