I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
