Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
