angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize