How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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