life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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