you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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