After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
