He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
