Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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