There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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