Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
