Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
