And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
