If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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