How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
