dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
