he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
