I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
