I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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