I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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