i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
