I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
