omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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