he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
