I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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