FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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