the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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