i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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