Your mouth is God's brothel.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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