Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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